文怡迟迟没有回答,卢老夫人沉着脸道:“既然你没话说,就给我到佛堂里跪着!对着佛祖,对着你祖父、父亲和母亲,细想自己是不是做错了!你这些天的所作所为,可有违背祖上的训诫!可有辜负祖母多年来对你的教导!什么时候想明白了,再出来!”说罢扭过头去,不肯看她。
文怡眼巴巴地望着她,见她丝毫不为所动,才委屈地红着眼圈,慢慢起身走进佛堂,在佛前跪下。
这种事她在前世几乎天天都做,自重生以来,她一直忙着家里的事,跟长房的人周旋,考虑置产事宜等等,在佛前静思的时间就少了许多。她跪在地上,细细想着自己醒来后发生的事,开始反省自己的行为是否有些过于急躁了,也太容易被往日心中的悲愤迷住双眼,实在是有违佛门清寂的行事之道。记得在重生前那一晚,她还劝师姐戒嗔戒怨戒怒,没想到如今自己反而犯了戒。
心中默默念着佛经,她开始冷静下来,再三回想自己近来所做的事,大体上倒是没什么问题,只是不能再因为别人说几句闲话,就轻易动气了。虽说重生后,她已不再是佛家弟子,但好歹修行多年,怎能因为忽然变了环境,就把本心都丢了?!
祖母是什么样的脾气,自己一直都非常清楚,理当先说服她老人家,再谋置产之事。族人……兴许不是人人都无情无义,慢慢留心,也有机会找到可以信赖之人,虽说防人之心不可无,但身为顾氏女儿,无缘无故疏远族人,也实在太奇怪了些。如今六房与长房未曾翻脸,族人对六房供给也未有怠慢之处,别说外人,就算是祖母,哪怕心知族中闲言碎语不断,也不会相信族人会苛待族中孤寡自此的。怨不得祖母疑她,有些事,她知道,别人却不知……
可是祖母不知情,又怎能容自己自作主张?!文怡清楚地知道,不论自己内里如何,外表在他人看来仍是个十岁女童。若祖母不肯消气,从此对自己严加管束,不许自己出门,也不许自己与舅家来往,更简单一点,不肯点头答应花钱置产之事,那六房的处境就丝毫不会有所改变,顶多就是跟长房之间不再交恶,然后日复一日,年复一年,在族人的冷眼与轻视中,渐渐败落下去,等到祖母去世后,自己又再寄人篱下,由着族人决定自己的将来。
文怡打了个冷战,想起身死那一夜诡异的月色,以及利刃穿心而过的感觉,便不由得发起了抖,神情却越发坚定了:她绝不能坐以待毙!
卢老夫人静静走到佛堂门前,看了看孙女,眉间略有忧色。然而,当她看到孙女脸上的神情时,便沉下脸来,转身走回卧房,坐在床边生闷气。
这孩子怎的就养成个牛脾气?!那些古里古怪的想法,是从哪里冒出来的?!自己虽然可以护着她几年,但毕竟老了,不知几时就要去见她祖父。到时候,她一介孤女,年纪又小,除了族人,还有谁可以依靠?!虽说她舅舅愿意帮外甥女,可终究隔了一层,又离得远,能帮什么忙呢?!她舅舅又有心要将她配给他的儿子,不是自己刻薄,实在是那聂家后生不是个长寿之相,若是匹配了婚姻,将来有个好歹,叫孙女儿怎么办?!顾氏族里人多嘴杂没错,那些家里富贵的族人嫌弃自己祖孙,也没错,但他们为了名声,是不会胡乱将孩子配人的,哪怕只是寻常人家,孙女儿好歹终身有靠。可这孩子怎么就不明白老祖母的心呢?!她今日受了聂家的恩惠,明日聂家要来提亲,就推不得了!一个丫头事小,可是一年大,二年小,再过几年,若有好事者胡乱传话,拿这丫头说嘴,将孙女儿跟聂家后生连在一起,孙女儿的闺誉就毁了!
卢老夫人径自生着闷气,赵嬷嬷小心地捧了杯安神茶进房,放在她手边,轻声道:“老夫人,小姐才病好不久,如今夜深露重,佛堂里阴冷,若是她又冷着了,可怎么好?!”
卢老夫人没好气地道:“难道只有你心疼孩子?!你也不去瞧瞧她的神色,竟是丝毫不知道自己错在何处!你叫我怎能轻易饶了她?!如今她年纪小,有不懂事处,别人不过一笑置之,再过几年,她还是这样,看有谁会不笑话她!咱们家已经没了财势,若是连族人都没了,她将来要怎么办?!”
赵嬷嬷不敢再说,只能安抚两句,退出房来,扒在佛堂门口张望几眼,左思右想,还是不放心地走了进去,小声叫:“小姐?”
文怡转过头来,神色苍白,脸上隐有两行泪痕,赵嬷嬷一看就心痛了,忙上前搂住她:“我的好小姐,有什么话不能好好说呢?老夫人生气,你就顺着她,先认个错不行么?!何必要这样犟嘴!”
文怡摇摇头:“嬷嬷,你不知道,有些事是不能松口的。我若连这点事都说服不了祖母,往后就休想再做别的事了!”
赵嬷嬷叹气:“嬷嬷知道,前些日子,小姐受了大委屈了!因此心里有气,也是难免的。只是你终究是顾家女儿,不论受了多少闲气,顾家还是你的根基。总不能因为受了气,就把祖宗族人都抛开了吧?!老夫人不乐意置产,也没什么要紧,横竖家里的钱够嚼用了,再花钱买田地,怕是反而会引起别人注意呢。她的顾虑也有道理,都是为了小姐好,小姐心里明明孝顺她老人家,又何必硬抗着?老夫人只是怕你亲近舅家,疏远族人,担心你将来会吃苦头!”
若她亲近族人,疏远舅家,只怕将来才会吃苦头呢!文怡咬了咬唇,脸上丝毫没有被说服的迹象。
赵嬷嬷一脸无奈,只能慢慢说服她:“小姐,老夫人的话也不是没有道理。长房的人是过分些,可其他几房的老爷太太、少爷小姐们还是很好的。你瞧……”她伸出指头一样样算来,“前些天为了七夕,四太太亲自过来问老夫人,小姐你要不要参加公中的乞巧,知道你不去,她还说,叫小姐你得了空多跟姐妹们亲近,不要总是待在家里呢;还有,九太太昨儿也送了帖子来,说下个月她做寿,请老夫人和小姐一起过去乐一乐;今天早上,闺学那边也来了人,说是小姐到了年纪,也该到学堂里读书了,先前因为女先生家去了,寻了半年也没找到合适的先生,才耽误了小姐们的课业,如今找到了人,自然是要重新开课的。咱们家从来没人去过闺学,他们也不曾忘了小姐不是?”
文怡听着这林林总总,心中苦笑。是的,如今族里除了冷淡些,时不时冒出点酸话闲话外,待她们祖孙还好,钱粮节礼也没怎么误过。只是,等到她们跟长房闹翻,这些人就会变了嘴脸。祖母与赵嬷嬷在顾庄生活了大半辈子,又哪里知道人心会险恶至此?!
她抬起头,看着赵嬷嬷,心里暗暗下了个决定。
赵嬷嬷说了半日,见文怡一句也没回应,便有些泄气:“小姐,你有什么话,不能跟嬷嬷说呢?嬷嬷知道小姐心里委屈,可小姐到底在委屈啥,也得告诉嬷嬷知道呀?!”
文怡抿了抿嘴,道:“嬷嬷,我生病的那些时日里,做了个梦,是个噩梦。”
赵嬷嬷一怔:“噩梦?!梦里讲的是什么?”
“我梦见……因为我病了,祖母跟长房的人争吵,见他们家的人不肯赔不是,就骂了他们许多话……长房的人恼羞成怒,跟我们六房闹翻了,从此以后,他家逢年过节,或是红白喜事,都不再提起我们家,我们也不再跟他家来往。”
赵嬷嬷念了句佛:“原来如此,怪不得那些日子,小姐总是担心老夫人会跟长房翻脸,但这不过是梦罢了。”
文怡留意到一个长长的影子出现在左边的墙上,便稍稍提高了声量:“不仅如此。因长房无视我们家,其他族人也跟着给我们冷脸,开始只是每月钱粮延迟,后来,居然把生虫的陈米陈面都送过来了,银钱也大打折扣。家里有急用时,嬷嬷去讨,他们居然随手丢些碎银子就打发了!祖母生了病,长房不肯再下帖子请王老太医,族中更是没有一个人过来问疾!为了给祖母看病吃药,家里把能卖的都卖了,卖到七房的铺子里,掌柜还要压价!”
赵嬷嬷吃了一惊,有些迟疑:“这……不能吧?!”旋即反应过来,笑道:“小姐,那是在梦里,你别是当真了吧?”
“我也不知道是不是真的……”文怡喃喃低语,“从我生病开始,到我十八岁为止,那八年的光荫,每一月,每一日,我都仿佛在梦里亲身经历了一回。有时候,回想起来,我也分不清,到底我只是做了一个很长的梦,还是……真的经历了那些,再重新回到生病的时候……嬷嬷,我好怕……若梦里的事都是真的,我们家将来怎么办?!”
赵嬷嬷愣愣地看着她,半天说不出话来。门外响起了卢老夫人淡淡的声音:“你就是因为把梦中的经历当成了真事,才对族人生了戒心么?!”
文怡两眼直直地望向祖母:“是,孙女儿在梦中所经历的一切,实在太过真实了,怨不得孙女儿心寒。在没做这个梦以前,孙女儿万万没想到,族人会无情至此!所谓百年望族,诗礼传家,竟是连遮羞布都揭去了!无奈孙女儿在梦中孤苦无依,一句冤屈都无处诉!”
卢老夫人寒声道:“那是因为在做梦之前,你在宣乐堂受了欺负,日有所思,夜有所梦,才会梦到这样荒唐的事!因为一个梦,就疏远了族人,这种事说出来有谁会信?!”
“孙女儿先前是做错了。”文怡咬牙道,“不管梦中如何,族人们毕竟尚未做出令人寒心之举,孙女儿从今往后,不会再辜负他们的好意。只要他们一日未做出梦中的事,孙女儿便会将他们当成至亲!”见卢老夫人面色好看了些,她又补充道:“只是孙女儿平日听长辈们说笑,知道有一句话叫‘未雨绸缪’。孙女儿不会疏远族人,却也不能什么都不做。家中既有余财,趁着没什么大支出,先置办些田产,添点入息,将来……若是有个万一,至少祖母看病吃药,都不需再求到别人面前。”顿了顿,“还有舅舅家……梦中,再过几年,平阴城就会有民乱,舅舅家……也遭了劫……”
卢老夫人吃了一惊,有些恍然。孙女儿是怕聂家人日后遇害,才想着要多见见舅家人么?她细细打量着孙女,察觉到孙女儿眉间的忧伤,渐渐放缓了神色:“终究不过是梦罢了。为了如此虚无缥缈之事,便大张旗鼓起来,实在可笑!祖母知道你心里害怕,这样吧,逢年过节,你要跟聂家往来,祖母不拦你,置产什么的,就不必再提了。若是担心将来手头拮据,祖母平日就省些花费,积攒点银钱,以备万一。过几日,闺学就要开学,你过去上课吧。你大伯父转年就要任满,不知会不会回来过年,若他一家回来,我就跟你大伯母商量一下,安排你将来的事。但这做梦的话,千万不要再对别人提起了,更不要跟你舅舅提什么民乱,传出去了,官府追究起来,你是绝讨不了好的!”说到最后一句,她已换了厉色。
文怡心头一阵无力,又隐隐有些绝望,难道她真的没法说服祖母么?!咬咬牙,她决定豁出去了:“祖母,若您不信孙女儿梦中的事会成真,那孙女儿就跟你赌一把!若是孙女儿说的话成了真,您就信我这一回!”
卢老夫人皱皱眉头:“你要赌什么?”
“就赌七月十四那一天!”文怡两眼直盯着祖母,“孙女儿记得清清楚楚,那天晚上,会下大雨,很大的雨!”
卢老夫人哂道:“这有什么出奇的?!早有懂得看天象的人说了,过几日天就要下雨!”
“九房的十五婶,如今正怀胎八月!”文怡犹自说下去,“孙女儿记得清清楚楚,在梦中,七月十四那天夜里,明明是倾盘大雨,可十五婶不知为何,居然坐了马车出庄去!结果遇上庄外大路边上的山坡泥土被雨水冲下来,砸坏了马车,连她和丫环、车夫在内,都被陷在了泥里!”
卢老夫人睁大双眼,怒喝:“休得胡言!”
文怡心一横:“那山坡附近原有人家,但因为那日是鬼节,那家人听到呼救,却不知究里,不敢开门,等到天亮雨歇,庄中人发现马车时,人……已经全部断了气!十五婶……是一尸两命!”
卢老夫人脸上瞬间变色。
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